According to the Caveman
We only have one more quarter of football left before the playoffs. Can you handle the new power rankings?
32. Oakland Raiders (1-11) – After getting their first win of the season against the Chiefs, the Raiders put themselves back where they belong after the most ridiculously lopsided 52-0 poop show the NFL has seen in a long time.
31. Tennessee Titans (2-10) – This team is poopier than I had ever imagined. I can’t believe how bad they are.
30. New York Jets (2-10) – They have played some pretty good teams pretty tight. But the fact remains – they’re horrible and have no quarterback.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-10) – The worst team in the (by far) worst division in football. ‘Nough said.
28. New York Giants (3-9) – Time to blow up the Coughlin reign. Thanks for the 2 Super Bowls! Bye-bye! Now back to the old drawing board…
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-10) – The Jags leapt up this time around. See, unlike these other poop teams, the Jags have a slight glimmer of future hopefulness.
26. Carolina Panthers (3-8-1) – Yeesh, I know this is a broken record, but this team is awful. Brutally, brutally awful.
25. Washington Redskins (3-9) – Gosh, there are so many bad teams this year. In an average NFL year, this Redskins team would be 3rd or 4th worst in the NFL. Yet look at all the horrible teams below them. Blech.
24. Minnesota Vikings (5-7) – Mediocre!
23. Chicago Bears (5-7) – Mediocre! But they beat the Vikings…
22. Atlanta Falcons (5-7) – The Falcons are tied for the division lead (and thus a playoff spot) which gives them hope. But not real hope. Just a fool’s hope.
21. New Orleans Saints (5-7) – The Saints are bipolar and baffling. But they will make the playoffs due to an incredibly easy schedule: Carolina, Chicago, Atlanta, and Tampa Bay.
20. Houston Texans (6-6) – The Texans are STILL the only team with a .500 record. That’s crazy.
19. Cleveland Browns (7-5) – I’m really pulling for the Boys in Brown. But they just don’t have “it”. That said, a 9-7 season would be a huge step forward for this struggling franchise.
18. San Francisco 49ers (7-5) – Kaepernick is a horrible quarterback. If the Niners still had Alex Smith under center, I think they’d be a much more legitimate threat. But now, the Niners are all but done for the season. Shout out to Kevin!!!
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-5) – Losing to the Saints at home does not do good things for your image.
16. Buffalo Bills (7-5) – The Bills have a BRUTAL schedule remaining, playing the (Spoiler Alert) 3 best teams in the NFL in their last 4 games. Good luck, Orton. Hahahahahaha. Trololololol.
15. St. Louis Rams (5-7) – If the Rams had played like they’re playing now all season, they would not only be in the playoff picture, but probably competing for the division lead. Unfortunately, it’s too little too late. Even if they win out, a 9-7 record will not get them in.
14. Kansas City Chiefs (7-5) – How do you lose to the Raiders??? How???
13. Baltimore Ravens (7-5) – The Ravens look tough at times, but they can only beat bad teams, and the choke against San Diego at home says it all.
12. Miami Dolphins (7-5) – Despite the Dolphins’ scare with the Jets on Monday night, they are a really good team, and will be the 6-seed in the AFC playoffs.
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-4) – The Cowboys are slowing down. They have to be careful, or they might miss the playoffs in a tough NFC.
10. Indianapolis Colts (8-4) – Why are they so low? Because they haven’t beaten anybody good yet. Their four losses are to Denver, Philly, Pittsburgh, and New England. If you can’t beat good teams, you’re not a great one.
9. Cincinnati Bengals (8-3-1) – The Bengals’ tie-ridden record is close to the best in the NFL. But the team just doesn’t look good. They will likely win their division, but I’d bet anything that they’ll get knocked out in the first round. Again. For the 4th straight year.
8. Arizona Cardinals (9-3) – The Cards are taking their yearly fall back to earth after a strong start. I still absolutely love their coaching staff, but you also need a good QB to win big in this league.
7. Detroit Lions (8-4) – The Lions are no longer in control of the NFC North. They’re good, but they’re competing with the Seahawks, the Cowboys, and the Niners for 2 Wild Card spots.
6. San Diego Chargers (8-4) – Only one game out of first place in the West, the Chargers are without question the third best team in the AFC after the 2-headed monster of Denver and New England.
5. Seattle Seahawks (8-4) – Ack, I hate having them so high, but they look like they have fixed whatever issues were plaguing them during the middle of the season. My hopes of them missing the playoffs are all but dead.
4. Philadelphia Eagles (9-3) – If Mark Sanchez doesn’t singlehandedly lose games, the Eagles are in great shape to make a deep playoff run.
3. New England Patriots (9-3) – I still think the Broncos would beat the Pats on a neutral field. But if the AFC championship is played in NE, the Pats will likely be going to the Super Bowl.
2. Denver Broncos (9-3) – How do you defend against this offense? Just when teams started figuring it out (culminating in the Rams game), the Broncos add, seemingly out of nowhere, the most deadly rushing attack seen in Denver since Tebow. The grit has FINALLY arrived.
1. Green Bay Packers (9-3) – There is no doubt that the Packers are the best team in the NFL right now. Offense, defense, and QB – all spectacular.